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The Village News, Bellport's Paperless NewspaperColumns The Gripe Vine



When Rich Giannotti submitted his "Too Many People" Op-Ed piece below, we liked it so much that we decided to create "The Gripe Vine" column and move his article here.

Do you have something you'd like to complain about or share with your friends and neighbors in a humorous way? We'd love to hear from you. We might even add what you have to say to The Gripe Vine column!

 


 

October 28, 2010

Rules Of The Road

Dear Fellow Bellport Residents;

I would like to remind you of some basic NY Motor Vehicle laws.

South Country Road is a two-lane road with only one lane of traffic going in either direction. It is also mostly a double-yellow-line road, which means that there is no passing on either side. It is illegal in New York to pass on the right.

When driving through the village I ask that motorists use common courtesy and wait until the driver in front of them is through parallel parking before they decide to proceed. Many times I have witnessed motorists (and the Village Sanitation trucks) go into oncoming traffic to go around a parallel-parking vehicle.

Finally, it is extremely dangerous to pass on the right, especially at the four corners of the Village. On several occasions I have seen pedestrians or cyclists nearly get hit by impatient drivers.

When driving through the Village please remind yourself to take your time. After all, what is more important...a human life, or getting to your destination faster?

Joseph Varsalona
Bellport, NY

 


 

September 29, 2010

Better Than Sliced Bread

Dear Residents and Visitors,

Just thought I'd pass this on. I own a car that has an amazing feature!! I'm hoping that eventually this will be part of every automobile!

Apparently on the left side of my steering column, although I'm guessing some very bright engineer would be able to adapt this device to another spot on the steering column, is a lever.

If I push the lever up it lets everyone, including me, know that I'm going to make a RIGHT turn! And, yep... you guessed it, if I push the lever down.....BINGO everyone knows I'm making a LEFT turn!!!!

Better than sliced bread, right?

I'm hoping that if this can really catch on, the auto makers could go WORLD-WIDE!!

It's worth a shot.

Doreen Langfeldt
Bellport

 


 

September 23, 2010

Too Much News?

Not really. Just too much news reporting. I’m sure this is not a revelation. After all, there’s just about the same amount of news today that there was in 1956. It’s just different news. However, the real difference is the number of news outlets competing for our eyes and ears. When you have numerous 24 hour news networks, well, you have to fill those hours. Furthermore, in order to effectively compete for viewers, one must have a “hook,” the thing that makes the viewer want your particular version of news.

One of my favorite hooks is “local as local news gets.” This is the slogan of most cable outlet news programs. You know, the ones where, while they’re telling you about the blue ice that fell off an Airbus and would have killed Mrs. Wanda Whitefish had she been home at the time, they simultaneously run a crawl on the bottom of the screen about a monsoon in India that washed out a bridge in downtown Delhi. Valuable information if you happen to be heading out to the IGA for a fresh box of Mallomars.

Another indication of the competitive nature of the news delivery business is the almost pathological need for the anchor persons to make a cute or caring comment after every story. The guy on the left with the Action News haircut will turn to the pile of clothes next to him and say something like, “Tammy, I bet Wanda is glad she picked today to have her legs waxed.” To which Tammy will reply, “Turned out to be an excellent personal hygiene choice for more than one reason, Tad.”

Many people find the news depressing. I find it informative, as long as I can filter out Tammy and Tad. What I find depressing are the commercials. You can always tell what demographic the broadcast news channel shows are aiming for by the advertising content. Apparently they believe their audience suffers from highs and lows. High cholesterol and low bladder capacity. You don’t see a lot of ads for iPads and video games on the 6 o’clock news. I love the tags lines too. “If your nose falls off, stop taking Nermolomol and call your doctor immediately.”

I have concluded that, from now on, I will get my news exclusively from the internet. Did you hear that Lady Gaga is really Jerry Lewis in drag? I read it just today on my new favorite news site, www.tammyandtad.com . It must be true. You can’t make that stuff up. 

Rich Giannotti
Brookhaven Hamlet
 

 


 

August 22, 2010 

Too Many People

After seeing pictures of the crowds at Jones Beach during the Memorial Day Air Show, I was reminded of one of my many pet peeves: over population. Upon further review I believe we have crossed the line from over population to “infestation”. One dictionary definition of infestation is: To inhabit or overrun in numbers or quantities large enough to be harmful, threatening, or obnoxious. Sound familiar?

So, how do we solve this problem in a local and humane way? Well, to paraphrase George Carlin, these are my rules. You don’t have to like them, because they are mine.

Let’s start with the rules that will require the largest number of people to move away.

  1. If you routinely run red lights, please leave.

  2. If you communicate with your fellow drivers using only your middle finger, please leave.

  3. If you have ever shopped in a WalMart when you had an alternative, please leave.

  4. If you think it’s ok to keep money you were given by mistake, please leave.

Now that we got rid of those guys, we can work on some rules that will cause fewer people to leave, but we need these people to go, too.

  1. If you thought I should have said “less” people, please leave.

  2. If you have ever made your own cable TV commercial, please leave.

  3. If you have ever written “your an idiot” when you meant “you’re an idiot”, please leave.

  4. If the sound system in your car is more powerful than the motor, please leave.

OK, we’re making some headway here.

  1. If you subscribe to the weekend NY Times because you think you’re like those idiots in the commercial who say they are “fluent in 4 sections”, please leave.

  2. If you insist on setting off ash cans and cherry bombs in the back yard of your 100X100 foot property, please leave.

  3. If you think your dog is cute when it defecates on the floor of the vet’s waiting room, please leave.

  4. If you put make-up on while eating a bagel and driving 80 MPH in the HOV lane without a passenger, please keep going and give me a call from New Jersey.

  5. If you tell people you “live in Long Island” rather than “on Long Island”, please get off Long Island.

Well, I think that just about does it. If everyone follows my rules the population on Long Island should be reduced significantly. In fact, there may be only two of us left, you and me. And I’m not sure about you.

Rich Giannotti
Brookhaven Hamlet